SpooksBBC One, Sundays, 9pm
Spooks for me is like a bad man. Smooth, well-dressed and unequivocally attractive, treating me mean and keeping me woefully keen. Since we met ten years ago, my emotional investment has only led to repeated heartbreak interspersed with the occasional heart-racing encounter. Yet, I have stuck by. And now, a decade on, it plans to dump me (undoubtedly in the most spectacularly explosive fashion) without so much as a quick courtesy phone call to check I haven't fallen completely off the post-breakup wagon.
Call me dramatic, but this is the love that I (and I believe many others) have for Spooks. So, I thought I'd search my soul for the top 10 reasons that have led to it seducing us all into this turbulent and troublesome relationship.
1. For 1 hour a week, you believe you could be a spy.
Yes, we've all thought it - fancied ourselves as the next James Bond or that sexy girl with the killer heels and the gun tucked up her suspenders. Spooks makes you believe that you really could be it. Perhaps it's something about the way that they all seem so ordinary (albeit with an impossibly high IQ and the ability to defuse a nuclear bomb) or the way they explain those pesky Russian plots and the latest Terrorist threat making you believe you've got the espionage lingo sussed. Then you remember that they'd happily exchange their mother in order to save the world and it reminds you that perhaps it's not that easy after all. Besides, I'd be rubbish under torture.
2. It's not frightened of betrayal.
The world can be pretty tough in reality, but at least we can always rely on TV to lie to us about it. Spooks, however, is no such television programme. Like a strict parent, it gives it to you straight. It hands over that cute, fluffy teddy bear you've always wanted then takes it back, tears its head off and throws the remains in the fire. Lesson: good things never last. Harsh, but - be it the lovely Adam exploding before our eyes, that whiskey-supping home secretary played by Robert Glenister who turned out to be a two-timing, lying wotsit or last season's traitor,
Lucas - Spooks has never been afraid to turn everything we believe on its head. Usually killing off/making a Russian sympathiser of our favourite characters in the process.
3. It's full of surprises.
I've been watching this show for 10 years now and it still has me stuffed behind a cushion in fear and disbelief. Oh your Hello's and Reveal's might be able to tell you what's happening on Albert Square next week but I'll be damned if anyone can figure out who's going to blow up next time on Spooks. That little preview they give you does squat. Speculate if you will but I have yet to hit the nail on the head as to the who's, where's, why's and what for's in the future of MI5.
4. It knows all the good park benches.
Has anyone noticed how empty their public meet-up spots are? I always thought that the point of meeting in public was so that it was more difficult to get shot without anyone noticing, and yet whenever spy meets spy, there's no one about. I don't know if you've ever gone out in London around lunch time but every park bench is crowded with air-hungry commuters and snap-happy tourists all tucking into their pret-a-manger. The only time the scene is ever crowded?
When there's a bomb ticking. Then, inevitably, thousands of oblivious humans are aimlessly wandering about to get in CO19's way.
5. Everyone's sexy.
Fact. It even makes I.T. look desirable.
6. It never sleeps/showers/eats.
Unless it's sipping on a whiskey after a hard day's nation-protecting, spies never seem to have to function like normal humans. I'm peckish by about 10am at work, but an MI5 worker will be holed away at his desk for hours without so much as a thought to those custard creams in the office kitchenette. The only time you see a character in bed is if they've had to have a morally ambiguous night of passion with an asset/terrorist/fellow spy and I think the only time a bath or shower has been involved was when some bird tried to drown Adam. Perhaps eating, sleeping and washing is just too dangerous when you're in espionage.
7. Americans are annoying.
No matter how much the real world thinks we're under the thumb of Uncle Sam, Harry will always fight our corner in the fictional world. The CIA might be bad-ass, 10 times as rich and even more sleek and attractive than their British counterparts, but they're arrogant and irritating and like to think that they have our beloved MI5 on a lead. Well, not so fast America - we know you're not perfect and we've got a few tricks of our own up our sleeve, so we'll take you on if we have to. Plus as long as Harry's at the top, we'll have our own two legs to stand on thank you very much.
8. It's terribly, terribly British.
This might be farfetched telly but it's no nonsense, efficient, full of awkward glances and brave faces British telly. Ros was so cold she'd have survived naked in the arctic, Ruth's constantly making eyes at Harry but you can't quite imagine the snog under a star-spangled sky and it's almost never sunny - note large overcoats, leather gloves and a constantly overcast sky. It's our recognisable home and I think that might just be one of the biggest reasons we succumb to its charm. We can forgive its twisty-turny plot lines because it's just so unashamedly us. Plus, the dry humour is there to tickle you in between the tears.
9. It took on Downton Abbey.
And lost. But who cares? It's a blip it can afford for the sake of National Security.
10. Harry is always there for us.
That's right. Despite the heartache, the explosions, the sacrifices, the chemical leaks, unavoidable attacks on assets, computer bugs and corruption from the inside, Harry has always been there to see us through. In 10 years there have been some hairy moments and he can be a right meanie from time to time (e.g. the time he let Ruth's new squeeze get shot in the back of the head in front of her), but he's always sucked it up and started over with a clear head and another bottle of whiskey (ok, so maybe not a clear head). But let's face it, no one is safe in Spooks and to kill Harry off at the end of this series might be like the universe imploding but at least they wouldn't have to find a replacement, who would take another 10 years to earn our trust. I can't help thinking though that to kill Harry off at the end of this season would be akin to the 'and then they woke up and it was all a dream' scenario. My bet's on Ruth snuffing it (probably because Harry puts her in the wrong place at the wrong time) and he'll end up being dishonourably dismissed.
But I haven't been right yet.
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